Have you ever woken up in a cold sweat, or with a feeling of hopelessness and dread, with no idea why? Have you ever felt depressed even though you couldn’t say why? I ask because for many years this used to happen to me.
I started reading up to help myself, and over the years I have read over a hundred books and watched dozens of videos on the subject. What I found was that there’s a simple reason for it, and although it’s a crippling problem, it also has a deceptively simple solution.
In this post, I will reveal why this happens, why this is a huge problem, and how to fix it.
With all the knowledge I acquired over the years, I learned about many bad habits engraved in me by society, culture, family, and myself.
My findings
My biggest finding is that no matter what your circumstances, how you see things is what matters. Let me illustrate by giving you an example of two people who have the same circumstances but think and act differently.
Meet George and Jose. They are both 24 years old, both live in a poor neighborhood. They both have low incomes and no good education.
George
George wakes up the in morning, complaining about his condition. He hates his job, where he lives, that he has no education, that nobody likes him, that he is ugly, etc.
He always arrives at work late, so he is not very productive at his job, and his boss does not like him very much. Because George is always complaining about everything, his co-workers don’t like him much either. Also because he is always late, he gets paid less, gets fewer chances for promotions, loses jobs often, can’t pay the rent in time, has bad credit, and so on. George barely goes out. When he does, he goes alone because he has no friends .When George makes a friend, they do not last because he is always doubting them, and complaining about everything. Because of his low self-esteem he does not approach women and has fewer relationships. Most of the time he is alone. He also drinks too much alcohol which makes him talk trash and push people away.
George thinks he is smarter than everybody else. He thinks people should call him often, women should worship him, employers should pay him more money, he should be rich, etc.
He knows in his heart he is worth more than what he is getting in life but he can’t see what he is doing wrong. You and I can see his mistakes, but he is not aware of them. He was programmed to be like this by his environment growing up, society, maybe the TV, friends, family, his own thinking, experiences, etc.
George is always upset at life, everything in his life is messed up because the world is against him. He is doomed because of his bad luck in life. Or is he?
Jose
Jose wakes up in the morning, excited because he has a job. He is excited that he has an opportunity to make money to study and become all he wants to become.
He is happy that he can pay the rent, eat food daily, and that he is healthy. Jose went to sleep early last night because he wanted to get to work in time, which he did. When Jose gets to work, he is so excited that everybody says, “Hi,” to him. People are attracted to light, and Jose is always shining really bright.
Jose does not complaint about anything. He is a giver and loves to work overtime to help himself, but also to help others as well. His boss is always happy with him because he is very productive at work. Because Jose is so productive he has been promoted twice in a year, which means he makes more money and it also makes Jose happier.
Jose is also taking online classes to become a Web Developer. After work, he studies for a couple hours on the computer. He is constantly thinking how to improve himself and how to become the best he can be.
He also works on developing himself by reading self-help books and watching videos of successful people. By reading books, watching videos and using critical thinking Jose has been able to grow his mind very fast. Now he is able to see life from the eyes of many who have done it and share their knowledge with the world.
On Saturdays, Jose spends time with his friends and family. Jose is not a great looking guy, but everyone likes him because he is in a good mood and happy most of the time. Friends call Jose often to ask him for advice about life, work, or relationships.
Is Jose happy all the time? Of course not, nobody is. But Jose doesn’t pay attention to sadness; he keeps moving forward with his positive plans and ideas. He knows life is more than what he sees and he is willing to fight to get all that life has to give.
Jose knows he is smart and worth a lot more than what he has, but he also knows that he has to earn it.
END of story
We can all see the difference between these two people. Some of us can see why one is doing better than the other, right?
Reader, I always want you to remember this…
Everything is how you see it.
The only difference between George and Jose is their thinking. Their thinking affects everything they do. In other words, their thinking, or their way of seeing things, affects the actions they take in life.
In the beginning, I promised I was going to reveal why this happens, why this is a huge problem, and how to fix it.
- This happens because over time we have built bad habits. In other words, we have been programmed to continue this negative pattern throughout life.
- This is a huge problem because most of us are not aware of it until it’s too late. Sometimes a big life event in our lives wakes us up, or at least tries to. Some of us never wake up, and go through life like this.
How can we fix this? By paying attention to what we are thinking, thus eliminating the negative and taking action on the positive.
Some things I do to combat negative patterns.
- Before I go to sleep, I write down my next-day goals. Now I write goals for the whole week but I start with daily goals which I recommend for beginners.
- Once I have written down my goals, I read them before I sleep. I imagine how I want my day to be and go to sleep with those thoughts.
- I often review my notes.
- I often think about my goals to remind myself where I’m going in life. This helps me get into a better attitude.
- I often write down the things I’m grateful for. This helps me appreciate everything I have, even the bad experiences which I learn from.
Life is not perfect and we are not perfect, but we can try to think more good things than bad ones. We can set goals and accomplish them one by one. It’s up to us what we do in 2018 and the rest of our lives.
Let’s make it our best year so far……
Edwin Diaz
21 comments On Everything is how you see it!
Thank you for these words
I once was myself was in such a situation. I had for the first time moved out of my home place. As soon as I did that I started to cultivate bad habits from other people around me. At that time, it felt very cool to be a bad boy. Eventually, I began to think of myself as invincible. And I fell into depression eventually. Although, later on, I realized that everything that happened to me was not entirely my fault. Some of my friends, who appeared to be friends took advantage of my condition and worsened it for me. Basically, at that time I was not able to understand anything, I was unable to sleep. Eventually, I came out with support from my family. None of my friends supported me or helped in getting through. I was just a meaning of amusement for them, my condition was fun for them. Although, It took me a long time to get my mental, physical strength back. But, I did. This whole episode has left me with scars. I was reluctant to go back to that place, where this all started. But recently, I did and to my delight I found peace. I actually enjoyed being there, I had some friends there. I had fun with them. Actually, now I am thankful to God for giving me this experience so early in life.
I am glad you got family that helped you when you needed them and I’m also glad you are back in track with your life. We are who we associate ourselves with so make sure that the people you keep around all the time are somewhat what you want to become.
GOOD STUFF
I’m gonna start the “Daily Plan” thing as of this evening. Kudos.
GREAT 🙂
You almost made me cry. Thank you very much for sharing all you have to offer, as you say, Just coming from your HTML course, you rock!
You’re my Coach in Programming. Now Coach in Personal Development. You’re Awesome. Running some of your courses in Udemy. Thank You.
It is my pleasure and Thank you, Vincent, for coming here and letting me know 🙂
Totally agree.
Thanks so much. This was wonderful to read. I usually just delete udemy emails but for some reason I read this and I’m soo glad I did. Sending it to a few friends. Thank you.
I totally agree with everything. Information in this article is golden. Everything sums up to this: we all need to fight our negative thoughts,and replace them intentionally with positive ones. If something bad happens,and you think like “omg I can’t get out of this” no, immediately replace that thought with a new one “ok,this happened to me,but it also happened to many different people all around the world, and they managed to get out,so I will too”. It’s all about switching pattern of thinking.
Nice words from a gentleman keep it up Edwin 🙂
Thought is a powerful tool and should be used very carefully, thank you man!
Thanks for this article Edwin, you are right, life is not perfect, but we can change our situations looking with a different angle anything.
I’m glad you agree 🙂
You have been a great inspiration to me (and many others, I am pretty sure) ever since I enrolled in one of courses in Udemy. Thank you.
Thank you and glad you have you in the family 🙂
Happiness begins with thankfulness! You are exactly right in this post; I completely agree!
Thank you 🙂
I agree we have think better thoughts and try to be more kind to others. As well as do more good things in our lives. But I think as well that it is a bit more complicated – depression, hoplessness. It depends on the outer circumstancess too, not only on one’s good will and positive thinking
The outer circumstances matter only if you give it thought. I agree that in some cases is hard to see past the physical reality and certain things cannot be avoided but I hold my firm believe that is how you see it that matters.